I have dreams. I think most people have dreams. Some people are actively living theirs, others are working toward them, some are just aware, and a few may not even know of them. But they are there. Dreams are there, buried deep, deep in the innermost tiny back closet of one's heart. They may be locked so tightly and bound with the strongest chains, but they DO exist. To dream is to be human. If not for hoping for something better for ourselves, our families, our world, then there would be little point in existence.
All that being said, I've still been fighting off discouragement. I feel alone in so many ways. I want to have a child(ren) someday. I'm 38 and I may not get to. I may even get too old to adopt a child. And, even if I did/do, I'm going to be in SUCH a different place than my peers. Most people my age have children in at least their teens, and some even entering college this year. I haven't even begun. If I adopt by the time I'm 40, I'll be nearly 60 by the time that child is graduating high school. Imagine a 50 year old at "Mom's Club" with a bunch of early twenty to thirty year-olds. I'm going to be the oddball, just as I am now.
Because I am outgoing (more extroverted by nature), I tend to be the one to invite others and get the ball rolling. I'm the planner, the organizer. I get it. If you're introverted, planning a get-together is akin to getting a tooth pulled. I try to remember that. But sometimes, especially lately for some reason, I just want someone else to put forth the effort. I don't want to be the one who always initiates things. I want to feel like others want to have ME in THEIR lives. But again, because my dreams are slow to fruition, I'm in a different place than them, and I can't fault them their busy-ness. I would likely be the same, if I were a mother.
p.s. To those who read my blog - this is not an attempt to garner sympathy or "Oh, but we do love you"s. The blogging is for me to be REAL and PRESENT. It's for me - part of MY way of living a creative life.