Good Friends

Tonight I had a few girlfriends over to play games.  It was just a small group of us, but I had the most wonderful time.  You know how good it feels when you are around honest, open, and good people?  It makes you just almost giddy inside to connect with others who "get" you.  I'm soooooo thankful for the many friends Heavenly Father has blessed me with in my life, and hope to always continue cultivating those and new friendships.

Similarly, last weekend a group of 8 of us went on a retreat to Tyler Texas' Memory Lane Inn.  The Inn is an old early 1900 house that has been completely renovated inside.  It was GORGEOUS and comfortable.  We had such a wonderful time together.  We may not have gotten as much crafting done as we would have liked, but it's all about the camaraderie, right?  My recently published friend (can you tell how proud of her I am?), Alisa Noble was my suite mate (she's so easy to stay over with--no snoring, not an overly light sleeper.)  Also part of our awesome group were Marie Jenkins (an amazing talented lady who knows a lot about living); Cami Dilsaver (a strong, independent woman with a heart the size of Texas...and then some);  Liesl Milford (a Louisiana-bred hoot and a holler all rolled up into one funny gal) Dana Suza (truly and ARTIST--she sees life through an amazing pair of eyes), and Shannon Martinson (Pink Fish Designs jewelry crafter).  Most of these gals are friends I met just from being involved in various art groups and projects in the area.  I am always in awe of the creative talent that surrounds me.  I even get envious at times--but then I have to remember we all have different talents.  I, for example, have excellent penmanship.

But the best part of the retreat wasn't just being there for 3 days devoted wholly to creating, although that in itself is pretty noteworthy.  The amazing stories I heard from these women's lives filled me with such gratitude and admiration.  As I listened to one lady recount the horror of her son being burned by a car explosion in a mechanic shop (and the months and months of pain and hardship they went through afterward),  I felt such a love for this woman.  The things she'd gone through had been really really hard, but she was so gracious and strong in sharing.  I admire the strength she's gained from going through this, and other difficult life challenges.  I also felt my heart fill with compassion as I listened to another woman recount a part of her life when her children were very young.  Her husband, unfortunately, chose to take his own life, leaving behind a family with no form of support.  It wasn't enough that she had to fight through the grief, sorrow, and even anger of the situation.  On top of that, she was then faced with the realization that she was the SOLE provider for these young babes.  I listened to her stories of the multiple jobs she took on, just to provide food and shelter for the children--going down the way, pulling her kids in a wagon, trying to sell dried flowers.  At one point, even her own brother-in-law and his wife tried to come and "help" her by offering to take her newborn baby off her hands.  Can you imagine?  She clung tightly to those little ones and never slept more than a few hours a night, making sure she did everything in her power to keep them safe and well.  When I see a woman overcome such hardship and not only survive, but come out victorious, I am filled with the deepest feelings of respect and kinship for her.  It makes me feel better as a woman, to know there are others out there who have difficult life problems, but are overcoming them beautifully.  It's as if they're saying, "We're all in this together, Honey."

To See My Creation in a Larger Format, Please Click Here

As I'm going along in my life trying to overcome problems new and old, it's such a boost to my spirit to be with other women who are facing their own challenges--but are succeeding.  I'm thankful to those who open their hearts up wide enough for me to have a peek inside and share with them.  That is such a privilege.

Thankfully Sick

It's October, which means the beginnings of campaign commercials and radio spots.  Every candidate wants us to vote for him because he's going to make a difference...  And so it goes until November 2nd, when the lots are cast and the winners are chosen.

In the United States of America, we're free to choose our elected government.  We have the opportunity to openly express our opinions regarding "the issues".   This is a wonderful luxury that most people in the world will never experience.  We all have our beliefs, what choices we think are important when it comes to voting.  I have mine, too.

But today, I don't want to talk about my political viewpoints.  I just want to stop and take a moment to express my gratitude for a wonderful Heavenly Father who has given me the blessing of living in this great country.  America is not perfect; she is an ever-changing work in progress.  But, she is still the most beautiful nation in all the world.  Hoards of people have risked, and continue to risk, their very lives in attempting to set foot upon her soil.  Why?  Because, even with all our problems, the United States still offers every man, woman, and child OPPORTUNITY.  The Great American Dream.  Part of this dream is health care.

Health care is a huge topic on the forefront of our minds, as our current President and other leaders are working to drastically change the health care system in the U.S.  Whether or not I agree with what is being done is not the issue for me today.  Today, I am just thankful that I got the health care that I needed.

I was exhibiting symptoms of having quite a serious infection (which I have experienced in the past).  The same day I decided to see a doctor, I was able to check myself in online (to avoid waiting at the doctor's office), drive less than 2 miles to the clinic, be examined and treated all within the course of 2 hours.   Wow.  Is that not amazing?

Sometimes I catch myself grumbling about some of the laws and policy changes.  I talk about how our government needs to  do this or change that.  But, as I was driving home from work today, no doubt prompted by one of those aforementioned radio spots, I couldn't help but feel gratitude for what I have been given.  I can't begin to understand the pain and poverty that so many other of God's beautiful children experience in the world.  Though by no means rich, I can't remember a single time in my life when some form of healthcare wasn't available to me when I needed it.  Even today, the homeless and penniless in the U.S. can walk into any emergency room and be served.  That is AMAZING.  I seem to take so much for granted.  Having lived in a "bubble" most of my life (I've not traveled much outside the contiguous United States), I have no real concept of what pain and suffering others have experienced.  I couldn't possibly understand how blessed I have been, unless I were to have lived and died as they have lived and died.

I am thankful, though.  I am so thankful.  My antibiotics, though somewhat nauseating, will certainly take away my maladies, leaving me healthy and happy in a matter of just a few short days.  To those living in 3rd world countries, where even clean drinking water is scarce, to experience this would be nothing short of miraculous.  

I don't know why I have been blessed to live in this nation, while so many others have not.  Certainly, I am no more loved than any of God's children.  Neither do I understand why I've been given such bounty, while my brothers and sisters throughout the world are trying to just SURVIVE.  I don't think I'll ever understand it.  The very least I can do, however, is take a small moment to express my humble gratitude; to remember what it really means to live in the United States of America.

Home Sweet Home

Well, for the long Labor Day holiday weekend, Lloyd and I didn't do anything "special".  After a busy week of applications and interviews, I was definitely ready to just kick back and be HOME.  I guess it's a good thing that HOME is the place I'd most like to be the majority of the time.  We create our homes to be just such havens, do we not?

Here's a beautiful home I always loved in my hometown of Springfield, Missouri:  

The Fellows Home

The thing I love most about my HOME is that my husband is here with me.  I know, it's cheesy, but it's true.  We just like to be around each other, even if we don't speak for hours at a time.  I can be in my craft room or on my computer, and he can be playing video games or on his computer, and that's fine.  But we just like to have the other's presence nearby.

The other thing I especially like about my HOME is that it has all my favorite things to DO so I never get bored.  I love having a computer at hand for anything I can conceive of doing:  surfing, shopping, designing, emailing, chatting, etc.  When we travel away (I don't have a laptop yet), I miss my computer more than anything.  What's your favorite part about being HOME?  What makes your home special to you?

Catching Up on Creativity

Lately I've been in a "finish it" mood.  I've got dozens (no exaggeration) of crafty projects either unfinished or still in a "to do" pile.  In an effort to organize, I've been trying to finish these projects up little by little.  Besides, I paid good money for the classes to learn how to create the project.  It's like money wasted if I don't actually CREATE the project.  So, today I am showing you a few of the projects I finished this weekend.

LE BELLE BOUTIQUE

This was the only class I took at Paper Cowgirl this year.  Cindy Gilstrap is an oh-so-talented lady who lives just down the road in McKinney TX.  Incidentally, she will be teaching this class again in October at one of our favorite vintage-inspired boutiques, Smitten, on the downtown McKinney square.

The skirt of the dress was created from strips cut from a vintage dress pattern.  I inked the edges with chestnut roan colored ink before gluing them to the styrofoam half dressform adhered to the canvas.  I believe Cindy mentioned that Cerri of Little Pink Studio sells these at her shop.

On the bodice, I used old primary school lined paper Cindy brought with her.  I liked the pinstripe effect they brought to the dress.  This spoke vintage French fashion to me.  Additionally, I decided to create a neck ruffle and pearl "buttons" to complete the blouse.  I really like how those little details added something special to the outfit.

I surely liked the finished product.  Thanks, Cindy!  Now, if I could ever get my dining room makeover complete, I'd have somewhere to hang this cutie.

PRIMITIVES

My other big project I completed this weekend was my "Prim" doll.  A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to be able to attend an AMAZING 3-day workshop at "The Church" in Dallas.  Debbie and Shea are the most talented and gracious ladies around.  If you haven't heard of them, they're this mother-daughter duo from California, who we were lucky enough to receive a few years ago in our Texas Heartland.  Shea's husband is in real estate and together, they had the vision to restore an old broken down Methodist church (we're talking, windows shot out, animals living inside, rusty plumbing) into an unforgettable studio and home.   Aside from being astounded by the beauty and grace of their home, I enjoyed great friends, great food, and great classes during the retreat.  Colleen Moody taught us how to make a doll, like the "Prims" she is known for.  It was actually a pretty arduous task and took more time than most "class projects" do.  But, I'm not complaining.  I feel like I really LEARNED something completely new for the first time.  Though I didn't complete my doll at the retreat, I finally got her finished up this weekend!  I'm thrilled that I even managed to get the wings sewn on properly.  

Here is the overall finished product.

This is really my favorite part:  the underdress stuff.  I used a sleeve from a dress I'd had, to create her bodice and hanging down slip under her skirt.  Under her slip are a pair of bloomers I fashioned from another odd piece of clothing I had.  It had chenille dots and delicate tat work that made for lovely bloomer legs.   My mom would be so proud of my bird wearing a slip, as she thinks it's immodest the way nowadays most women (including myself) fail to wear slips under their dresses.

Here you can see the back of my bird's dress.  What initially attracted me to the sleeve I used as the bodice (which just happened to fit around her perfectly) were the little pearl buttons.  They were the perfect thing!  I added some velvet trim to the top of the bodice (which was really just cheap Wal-mart ribbon I had soaked in    a potion of red food color and brown tea to get that perfect peachy color.)  I also had a piece of CZ chain I'd received from the generous Shea to add a little BLING BLING.  Jewelry always completes a look, in my opinion.

And the "crowing" achievement:  her crown.  The base is Dresden trim.  I added vintage accordian folded sheet music, a vintage pin, a few "diamonds" and my favorite color of Stickles--Platinum.  My crown is actually quite basic compared to some of the crowns the other ladies created for their birds!

Any ideas for names?  She needs a name.  I can't just keep calling her "bird".  

So, that's it for now, but I've got other projects to finish and blog about.  I'll keep you posted!

I Quit!

The thing is, I'm not a quitter.  I'm a fighter.  I have dogged determination and tenacity.  I like to believe that with enough perseverance and hard work, eventually even the worst situation can be become positive.

However, I'm old enough and mature enough in my life now to understand that some things just don't change, no matter what you do to affect them.  That is because every person in this world has the gift of agency.  I am a huge advocate for agency, I would never want anyone to suffer life without it.  Life without agency is hopelessness.

So, with that being said, I quit.  I quit my job yesterday.  I just walked out.  No goodbyes, no see ya laters, no hasta luegos.  I packed up my stuff, laid my keys on the desk and just simply walked away.  And you know what?  It feels good.  Really good.

Sure, I'm a bit scared about what will come.  I don't have a job lined up yet, though I've been looking.  I expect there will be financial struggle for a time.  I will probably have to sacrifice a lot of things for a while.  All that being considered, I'm still happy I left.

*****Above was what happened.  Below are my thoughts about it.  

You choose how much you care to read.*****

My boss for the last 4 months has been a nightmare.  Although I find him to be charismatic and hardworking, his social skills and leadership abilities are very limited.  He can be the funniest, nicest guy you ever knew one day, and then the next he would go on tirades and belittle everyone around him.  I have nothing against bipolar people.  It's not their fault.  I just wish he'd get some help for it, so he doesn't continue to make all those around him miserable in the process.

Yesterday he said something to me that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.  It wasn't the worst thing he'd ever said to me, or the worst experience I'd ever had there.  But it was the last.  All of a sudden, I just knew I was DONE.  I could no longer remain on this emotional roller coaster ride with him.  He was sucking the happiness and creativity out of me.  Every day at work I'd walk on eggshells waiting to see what was next...because there was always a "next".

As I was driving home, with a few tears running down my cheeks, I realized that I'd made the right decision.  I don't wish to say my situation was as bad as domestic abuse situations, wherein a woman (and sometimes children) is regularly abused (verbally, emotionally, and physically).  The pain these women suffer is far greater than what I have experienced, and I applaud those who are able to get away.  But, in a way, I felt like that's what I was doing--escaping an abusive situation.  I wasn't dealing with a rational and emotionally sound person.  When he was angry or upset, he would take it out on those around him, as he didn't have the skills to deal with his feelings appropriately.  I realized that I am not that person.  I won't be that person who continues to stay in such a situation simply because she is scared.  I am scared.  I don't know what will happen.  But I do know that I would rather sacrifice a lot of things and struggle for as long as I have to, than continue to be treated so poorly.  I deserve that.  Everyone deserves that dignity and respect.  It's just sometimes, you have to stand up and fight for it.  Most of the time, it's not about fighting another person, but fighting your own fears, weaknesses and insecurities.  It's about making yourself believe that you are worth it.  That your happiness and wellbeing are paramount.  That's a hard thing to do, especially for women, as their very nature is that of giving, serving, and sacrifice.  So often women put themselves last, as they give their all to care for their families.  The notion of doing something for herself can be almost beyond comprehension for the woman who have given every bit of who she is to her children and family.

My mom stayed with my dad, through abuse and infidelity, for 35 years until she finally gained the strength to leave him.  From my preteen years well into my thirties, I couldn't understand why she put up with it.  I judged her so harshly for staying with someone who could treat those around him, including his children, with such disregard.

As I've matured, I've come to understand more things about the intricacies of the pull of the relationship vs. the personal power within.  Whether it be a relationship with food, drugs, alcohol, an abusive mate, or even just feeling stuck in our lives, I think most everyone struggles to overcome the binding ties that keep us in that relationship.  We doubt our own personal power to break free of what we know, no matter how miserable we may be, because we fear the unknown.

Yesterday, I understood even a little bit better than I ever have before.  I know how scary it was for me to quit (as, like I said, I have never been a quitter), not knowing when or from whence the next job was coming. I can only begin to imagine the gripping fear that a mother with small children must face when she thinks of leaving her abusive situation.  Not only can she be paralyzed by fear about her own future, she knows she must also be responsible for her children's well-being.  That's a HUGE risk to take.  So sometimes, as miserable as it may be, she may continue  to sacrifice her own happiness and well-being, because she can't risk not being able to provide the essentials for her children.   I don't like it, but I understand it a little more clearly than I ever have before.

With this new insight, and the opportunity to practice faith instead of fear, I am thankful for this challenge in my life.  It has, and will, make me a stronger person.  I will be more confident, more compassionate, and more faithful.